When I was little I always wanted to be the kind of girl who had a lot of drama happeneing all around her, you know where 2 guys love me in school and fight over me, or the teachers think im so smart and the clothes I wear are the best, and people should laugh out loud most at my jokes…I should be funny etc etc…..yeh pretty thick and conceited eh!! I got my share of drama not necessarily in that order or the above mentioned but drama nonetheless. I guess in a way being dramatic has lead me to where I am now…I don’t sit still, there is something bubbling inside of me all the time, but most time, other than my work that drama doesn’t really get out, a few people know me like that because they know me really well.
Sometimes hoping for a lot of drama can lead to a very topsy turvy life, and sometimes you cangt relate those thoughts to everyone and pretty much no one can tell what you are going through or what you want…its not that I am choosing to be a victim here by saying this, it happens and sometimes it cant be helped and sometimes it can be. There are certain aspects of my life that keep happening round the clock and I don’t want to part with them because I don’t see the purpose, these things may later on hurt me but they are also making my present life good and viable. I am tired of living in the anticipation of the future, whatever it is and where it is.
Today I woke up with good energy, wanting to get out and do stuff, become a part of something but halfway down the day I slacked and just bummed, letting the drama go away, well in a way im still being dramatic in this choice..
There also the fear of getting old sometimes, mostly it doesn’t bother me but sometimes..whoaaa it hits like a ton of bricks [although I don’t particularly now how that feels, but im guessing pretty hard] so yehh it hits bad and then all the choices I want to make go a little astray and im left thinking ..hmmm am I at the beginning again…so maybe I haven’t yet come to terms with all that I am and all that I want.
I have noticed, everytime I blog after a very long time, my tone gets very serious and its usually one of my crazy strange “let me be” modes that lead to such strange sounding, abrupt, rambling types blogs…well atleast it gets the spinning started.
A few things that have happened recently
· Kat got zoey into the world and proved that im not full of shit
· I got a bit of a raise, but responsibilities are more
· I got a fantastic big red bag
And there are some other things that I just cant be so open about…ah well…I don’t like that feeling.
p.s: it feels good to write